the squeaky pickle gets the cheese

I heart crazy talk radio hosts

Michael Savage said that welfare recipients shouldn’t be allowed to vote. That cracks me up. I don’t agree with him at all, he’s about as bat-shit crazy as they come, but I don’t think he should be fired.

I’ve done talk-radio before, it’s a weird feeling to be in a windowless room hearing your own voice crackle in your headphones and saying whatever crazy shit you can come up with just to get idiots to call in and complain…or worse agree with you.

It’s awesome and fun but can be addictive and intoxicating – turning you into Gollum, mad with the power of a fully blinking phone bank, willing to blow a trucker just to be a guest on the O’Reilly Factor.

After a while you don’t even know what you really think and believe anymore.

In that spirit, I’ve compiled a short list of wacko shit for you to say if and when* you have your own talk-radio show.

“Santa Claus is a fascist pinko, created by the Chinese during WW2.”

“Middle children should be beaten with garden hoses, it’s the only way they learn.”

“If you MUST be a cannibal, please eat a Mexican.”

“People who hate guns should be raped with a gun.”

“Jesus could definitely dunk a basketball if he wanted to.”

“I am for Gay Marriage JUST to see Gay DIVORCE.”

“George W. Bush is and will always be the greatest President EVER!”

“We need to stop the War in Iraq…so we can go beat the shit out of Australia!”

“You know what pisses me off? Puppies. Fucking Puppies!”

I hope it helps you get calls and publicity, let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.

*studies show that by 2011, all Americans will have had their own AM talk show. It’s a fact.^

^not a fact.


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