SQUEAKY PICKLE
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Archive for the ‘satire’ Category

If Wrestling ISN’T Gay, Then What Exactly Does Gay Mean?

June 18, 2009

I grew up loving the HULKSTER as much as the next guy…I thought. Then I saw how much the Ultimate Warrior “loved” him and I really had to question my fanhood. I need a bath to wash the filth away from having seen that. Still though, I must say that it is FAR LESS gross […]

Sports Inaction

January 15, 2009

Hey there sports fans and avid Squeaky Pickle readers! I watched enough ESPN, NFL Network and Fox Sports Net today to consider myself an expert in the world of athletic competition, let me peel my fat-ass out of the me-shaped dent in the couch and take you on a short tour of all things SPORT… […]

Dear Classic Rock Radio Programmers,

January 11, 2009

Hi guys, John Wessling here…long-time listener, long-time caller. The reason I’m writing you this letter is because I’ve been a fan for my whole life and I’m getting a little bored with your playlists. Seriously, you guys are phoning it in. Don’t get defensive, we can all tell that you haven’t done anything new – […]

Emphasis on Comedy

December 8, 2008

HEADLINE NEWS When did the Republicans take over Amsterdam? Dutch conservatives are cracking down on marijuana cafes and red light district hooker windows in Amsterdam, because of “crime and safety” concerns. Dammit! When will this gentrification end? Let’s make a deal, we won’t put a strip club in the Epcot center if you don’t mess […]

TOP TEN PEOPLE WHO DESERVE TO BE LAID-OFF

November 19, 2008

Thanks to the Great American Manic-Depression of 2008, millions of people have lost their jobs and many more are due to receive the shit-end of the stick in the short months to come. Many of these hard-working citizens are the last ones who deserved to get screwed over like this, and that has caused more […]

I heart crazy talk radio hosts

October 24, 2008

Michael Savage said that welfare recipients shouldn’t be allowed to vote. That cracks me up. I don’t agree with him at all, he’s about as bat-shit crazy as they come, but I don’t think he should be fired. I’ve done talk-radio before, it’s a weird feeling to be in a windowless room hearing your own […]

Joe the Plumber needs your help

October 16, 2008

To ensure his new business success, flush all your toilet paper down your commode! Choke the Bowl for AMERICA!! Plus think of all that extra business for the logging industry from the soggy Charmin. If you are enviromentally conscious, flush a couple of cotton socks – always does the trick.

NASCAR, America’s leading economic indicator

October 13, 2008

Attendance at NASCAR races are at a shocking ten year low…after setting record highs only two years ago. Countless new mega speedways have been built across the country to facilitate the hundreds of thousands of expected fans, but now that the economy is in the shitter – all those Joe Sixpack, regular race-lovin’ folks are […]

What the BALLS economy?!?!

October 9, 2008

Hey Wall Street! Are you trying to piss me off? Because that is whats happening. I don’t even have any money in the stock market, and I’m shitting kittens. We’re putting all our money into peanut butter…not JIF stock, ACTUAL peanut butter. Next stop…DUSTBOWL!

Authentic Guacamole

October 8, 2008

Ha! I’ve been cracking up all day. I’ve been doing a lot of driving, and there is this one otherwise-unremarkable Carl’s Jr. radio commercial they’ve been playing in LA where they are WAAAY proud of their new mega-heart-attack-burgers featuring AUTHENTIC GUACAMOLE… I had no idea there was a problem of IN-authentic guacamole. I imagine it […]