the squeaky pickle gets the cheese


Here’s what I do. I get bored and hammer away on stumbleupon.com’s toolbar button when I’m online. When I find pictures I like, I drag them to my desktop. I post them here.

I hope you enjoyed what I found.


Attendance at NASCAR races are at a shocking ten year low…after setting record highs only two years ago.

Countless new mega speedways have been built across the country to facilitate the hundreds of thousands of expected fans, but now that the economy is in the shitter – all those Joe Sixpack, regular race-lovin’ folks are broke as fuck working three jobs each and can’t afford to party naked in the Daytona infield anymore.

You can’t root for the Tony Stewart number 20 Home Depot car when you have to work there on a Saturday…

…and I don’t mean inside with a fancy orange smock, I mean outside on the curb with the illegals.

When you see them in the RV now its because the house got foreclosed on, or completely destroyed in a hurricane.

I have no data to back up my claims, I don’t believe in numbers. I make shit up from my gut.

I think in last weeks race, The Dead Bank 450, the order of finish was exactly the opposite of the sponsors stock prices on Wall St.

If anyone would have been in the stands to see it, the irony would’ve been lost on them.

Keep 3 in your heart.

It ain’t the same since we lost Senior.


Air shows and Hot-Air Balloon launches are not the wholesome family fun trip they make them out to be.

They start off fun and interesting…

And then fiery death happens.

Balloon Fire … worst cause of death this week.

FYI … Lord Vader was seen in the airspace.


…she’s two years younger than John McCain

Do you ever get the feeling that McCain and his staff/handlers are nervously dreading and secretly hoping someone shouts the n-word at one of these rallies?

Sarah Palin evidently fired her sister’s ex-husband. So what though? What good is it to be a Governor if you can’t abuse that power to punish those who fuck with your family?

I get it that this is yet another glaringly obvious reason that she is in no way ever qualified to be second in line to the Presidency of the United States…but the ex-husband state trooper looks like a real dickhead, he deserves a good firing.

I bet he’s an ice road trucker now.


Hey Wall Street! Are you trying to piss me off? Because that is whats happening.

I don’t even have any money in the stock market, and I’m shitting kittens.

We’re putting all our money into peanut butter…not JIF stock, ACTUAL peanut butter.

Next stop…DUSTBOWL!


from weird Vader swinger couple!!

You know they wear these when they do it.

I want the video footage and I’m willing to pay cash. I don’t have it on me, but could put it together if I had to.

We (me) here at SQUEAKY PICKLE are fully committed to weirdo Darth Vader pictures.


Ha! I’ve been cracking up all day. I’ve been doing a lot of driving, and there is this one otherwise-unremarkable Carl’s Jr. radio commercial they’ve been playing in LA where they are WAAAY proud of their new mega-heart-attack-burgers featuring AUTHENTIC GUACAMOLE…

I had no idea there was a problem of IN-authentic guacamole.

I imagine it went something like this…

“Hey man, is that guacamole? Hell yes I’d like a chip, thanks for asking! (scoops, bites) Mmmm, thats creamy…hey now- what is that flavor? Is that CUMIN? Is it CORIANDER? What the fuck is that taste? Jesus man, this ain’t right! When you serve guacamole, it comes with some expectations of ingredients! You can’t just willy-nilly put red bell pepper in it instead of chopped tomatoes! Dare I say, this isn’t even guacamole at all now is it? This is some other kind of avocado based salsa-dip food entirely. I don’t even think you should serve this with tortilla chips, that implies an AUTHENTIC GUACAMOLE experience. I gotta go, good evening everybody.”

I love me some guacamole, but I’m not exactly snobby about it as a condiment on my burger.

And lets be honest…it’s not very good on burgers. Don’t be mad, think about it. Be honest. You agree with me, don’t you?


My regularly scheduled programming will not be seen at this time. Instead I bring you a special broadcast of a bad-ass jam.

See, that wasn’t so bad. My schedule changes drastically…like a broken bicycle chain. Monday has a different drum beat and there is no long commute.

Today I stay home and wear slippers, taking this opportunity to google search the model and serial numbers of all my daughters toys. I KNOW at least a few things have some lead in them. I recognize the taste from my blissfully unregulated childhood.

But just like the stock market, the baby accoutrement market also suffers from a influx of shoddy chinese imports.

Our house is actually choked with copious baby toys for children from the age of none to two, and in past years these toys and jumpers and strollers and rockers and walkers were like a renewable resource. If you bought it new, you could sell it used or at least consider it a good high value gift for others.

Thanks to the lead situation, nobody wants to buy anything kid-related used. Gifts of this nature are no longer accepted. It’s the same as bringing a sloshing barrel of nuclear waste to a birthday party.

So now we are stuck with all this baby shit. It’s no comfort that millions of other parents are stuck in the same predicament…what the hell are we supposed to do with this crap? Any ideas?

The weather is changing…getting cooler…even chilly. Which is awesome because there is nothing cuter on Earth than a two-year old in a hoodie. Luckily we have a thousand of them.

Enjoy a little Stumble Upon goodness…


I’m not saying that God needs a gun, but if he did…

Shooting a .50 cal has been proven to add 1.5 inches to your penis.

Don’t take my word for it…just watch this.

Embrace the 2nd Amendment…don’t let statistics and reality get in your way from mowing down a whole bunch of mother fuckers.


(reposted from bushleague.tv)

No disrespect to the Cubs faithful, I’m sure you are nice people, BUT if the Cubs win the World Series the sky will split open and The Aliens will fight Jesus in a nuclear battle royale that destroys the Earth. It says so in Revelations…read it the next time you stay at a hotel.

Especially now that the Boston Red Sox have won TWO world titles…we MUST stay vigilant and destroy the Cubs like Saint Bartman the Martyr did back in 2003.

The only downer part of the Cubs heartbreaking demise is that it makes Bill Murray sad. Bill Murray is a national treasure and when he cries it’s the emotional equivalent of crushing a baby chicken with a Big Bertha driver.